There seems to be no mainframe explanation for the PC world in which we're living.

President Bill Clinton

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"That Bill Clinton. He probably doesn't know how to log on to the Internet."

Rush Limbaugh, noted Computer Expert

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Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

fortune cookie

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A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.

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"Crossposting isn't inherently evil,
in the same sense that necrophilia doesn't really hurt anybody.
One wonders only whether it's appropriate to the occasion."

Rick Gordon

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Remember the times when the internet was fast? To prevent net overload and abuse, the AAP proposes the "binary graduated surfing license". Internet newbies will start with a 1200 baud modem during the first month, then doubling bandwith each half year.

GUDATH@EZINFO.VMSMAIL.ETHZ.CH (Henrik 'Ratte' Gudat) (Association of Anticyclic People Manifesto)

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The Communications Decency Act censors itself: It is patently offensive by the standards of the community to which it applies: the Internet Community

Dave Noelle <noelle@strayight.alt>

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The boy and the frog

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a Princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again
the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful
Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time
for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

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When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Steve Hoflich, compl.lang.c++

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It was a typical net.exercise -- a screaming mob pounding on a greasy spot on the pavement, where used to lie the carcass of a dead horse.

mvp@netcom.com (Mike Van Pelt)

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From: j135792468@aol.com (J135792468)
[1] so fuckin drunk(spoiler) word FUCK
Date: Fri Nov 01 05:03:05 GMT 1996
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Lines: 1

I am so fucking drunk. I love this............

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See also: My Collected Quotes