Quotes from Dorothy Parker...

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I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host

Dorothy Parker

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Travel, trouble, poetry, art,
A kiss, a frock, a rhyme -
None of these will fill my heart,
But at least they pass the time.

Dorothy Parker
I believe there are 2 versions of this poem - Andy Pryke

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Somehow, I think Dorothy Parker and Clair Boothe Luce didn't get on too well:

Someone told Parker that Luce was always kind to her inferiors;
Parker replied "Where does she find them?"

On another occasion, the two women arrived at the door at the same time.
Luce said "Age before beauty" motioning for Paker to enter first.
As she walked through the door, Parker replied "And Pearls before Swine."

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A telegram from Dorothy Parker to her editor, who was bugging her for belated work while she was on her honeymoon:

"Too fucking busy, and vice versa."

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Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

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Frustration

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains;

Or had I some poison gas,
I could make the moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.

But I have no lethal weapon-
Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights, in hell.

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Someone asked Dorothy Parker for a sentence using "horticulture".
Instantly, she replied: "You can lead a horticulture but you cannot make her think."

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Partial Comfort

Whose love is given over-well
Shall look on Helen's face in hell,
Whilst they whose love is thin and wise
May view John Knox in paradise.

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Comment

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.

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See also: My Collected Quotes