Quotes from Dorothy Parker
I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host
Travel, trouble, poetry, art,
A kiss, a frock, a rhyme -
None of these will fill my heart,
But at least they pass the time.
I believe there are 2 versions of this poem - Andy Pryke
Somehow, I think Dorothy Parker and Clair Boothe Luce didn't get on too well:
Someone told Parker that Luce was always kind to her inferiors;
Parker replied "Where does she find them?"
On another occasion, the two women arrived at the door at the same time.
Luce said "Age before beauty" motioning for Paker to enter first.
As she walked through the door, Parker replied "And Pearls before Swine."
A telegram from Dorothy Parker to her editor, who was bugging her for
belated work while she was on her honeymoon:
"Too fucking busy, and vice versa."
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains;
Or had I some poison gas,
I could make the moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.
But I have no lethal weapon-
Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights, in hell.
Someone asked Dorothy Parker for a sentence using "horticulture".
Instantly, she replied: "You can lead a horticulture but you cannot
make her think."
Whose love is given over-well
Shall look on Helen's face in hell,
Whilst they whose love is thin and wise
May view John Knox in paradise.
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.
See also: My Collected Quotes